And Here We Are

Well, it has been a rough week or so and I have cried a lot. Last Sunday after I tested I came to terms that this was, yet again, not our month. For the first time, J took it hard too. I decided that it was time to talk to my sister about what has been going on. She used to work at a fertility clinic and I needed to know what to do next. She knew exactly what I wanted to talk to her about and she was hoping that I hadn't been trying as long as we have been and/or that I was calculating my ovulation incorrectly. So, when I told her that we had been trying for 10 months and my 11th cycle was minutes away from starting, and I have been using OPKs and temping, obviously she couldn't give me any tips. After a long tearful chat we decided that now is the time to get things moving. J is going to have a SA as soon as possible and I will get a referral to a clinic and set up an appointment when this cycle is done.

I'm scared of what we have ahead of us. I'm worried about what we will find out when we go through testing but my fingers are crossed that we will get some answers and start to come up with a plan. I hope that this cycle might be our lucky one and we won't have to go through with anything, even though that idea seems so silly to me now. No one, other than my sister, knows what is going on with us. I think we will be telling my parents soon though. I'm really close to them and I thought that if my daughter was dealing with something like this, I would want to know. I think it will feel good to let it out and talk to people about it. I've found it hard to keep it to myself and will welcome the support that others will give.