Randoms

- I haven't cried today. Success!
- it's really nice to have hope again. I'm nervous about getting test results back but I'm feeling pretty good.
- Henry turned into a different dog while we were camping and it is glorious. More to come when I finally get around to writing my post camping post.
- I have tried to write in a journal a few times but could never keep up with it. I wonder why I can keep up with this blog but not a handwritten journal.
- I kept falling asleep in the movie theatre last night. Clearly I am way too old for a 9:40pm movie.
- Back to school commercials when there is still a month of summer vacation to go? Really?
- this morning I thought back to last year at this time when we first started trying. We were so excited and we thought I would be pregnant by 3 months. And here we are, scared and unsure. It's sad.
- I'm "eating the crap" out of the cheesecake J's dad bought for his birthday yesterday. Cheesecake is perfect.
- I'm not doing anything for the rest of the day. Why? I'm having a brutal CD2, I've had 15 massive tubes of blood taken since yesterday morning and my arm is bruised, it's raining, it's summer vacation, I haven't slept well all week, and I'm a grown up and I do what I want.
- Henry farted the other day and it made a sound, which usually doesn't happen. He turned, looked at his butt and just started at it with this very unsure look on his face. I laughed so hard, it killed me.
- I secretly hope my computer breaks down soon. I want something new and exciting.
- I've always said that when my hair starts to go grey I will dye it a deep red colour. I've found 2 in the past 6 months so I'm started to feel like that is enough and I should go and get it coloured. I'm impatient.

The First One Is Done

Well our first appointment is done. I was so anxious about it, I didn't sleep well and I cried, oh man did I ever cry. I do however feel much better at the moment. The doctor and nurse were both great and made me feel at ease. I had a quick pelvic exam done and the doc ordered a ton of blood work. Since my period is due any second I will head back there in a few days for CD3 blood work. I will bring in J's sample for his SA at the same time. I will also have an HSG done this cycle. I'm excited that things are moving right away. I hate the thought of waiting a moment longer. I feel like we have some hope again and hope it continues once test results start rolling in. For the first time in months I'm feeling like maybe one day we will have our baby. Someday. So I'm excited to get moving and am crossing my fingers that we aren't knocked over with some nasty test results!

I Am Scared

We are camping for the next 3 days and I'm trying to pretend that I am not horrified. This will be the first time I've been camping since I was about 2 years old. I have an overwhelming hate for bugs, I don't sleep well if I'm not in my own bed, the national park has a bear population (J was face to face with a bear when he camped here years ago), and I'm scared of everything. Camping is not the best match for me. I must really love that outdoorsy, camping fanatic husband of mine. 

Maybe I'm Having Dozentuplets

So yesterday I had horrible ovulation pains. Horrible. Every time I moved it felt like my ovary was about to fall out. I was so sore. Then this morning my temp was really high for 1dpo. I'm usually a slow riser and don't hit the temp I got this morning until about 3 dpo. So in my crazy head that has to mean something. It has to mean that I had a really strong ovulation. My egg was fertilized as soon as it popped out. I am a scientific miracle and it has already implanted. Or I popped out 12 eggs and every single one was fertilized and I am well on my way to having dozentuplets. We need a bigger house. 

Random Wednesday

- I am watching The Price Is Right for the first time in years right now. It just happens that all contestants on this episode are pregnant. It made me pout 

- we don't have central air. We do have 3 window units though, however most of our windows do not work well with window units. So J, being J, came up with a solution. He put the window unit into our spare room, sealed it and did something with the vents that allowed the cool ac air to be sucked in and then distributed throughout the house via the furnace fan. It works incredibly well and I love him and his crazy brain. 

- J took my car to work today and I don't want to drive his truck so I am stuck at home with Henry all day. He is still recovering from his ball chop so I can't go out and play with him and he's still on meds that make him too sleepy to play with so, I will be watching movies all day long and eating lots of crap. 

- I think I am ovulating today. I am at the point that we still try, obviously, but I know that we will likely not be successful even with our wonderful timing. Although I'd be lying if a little part of me didn't think that maybe, just maybe I might be surprised this time. 

- we are leaving for our camping trip in a few days and we have done nothing to prepare for it yet. That's making me anxious. 

- it's been so hot over the last few days. Henry sits in front of the fridge every single time I open it and he refuses to move. 

- we didn't run this morning because we needed to have sex since I'm pretty sure it's o day. Oh well

- buttery popcorn is so amazing. 

- I held my neighbours brand new baby the other day. I really want one of those. 

- I am really starting to think about adopting another dog. I want a friend for Henry and I am so in love with dogs. We would get a smaller dog because Henry adores me and is always all over me and I couldn't handle two big dogs being in my space all the time. I think we will wait for now until we get a plan for our baby journey but I see another dog in our somewhat near future. And now I am going to look at the humane society website to see what little faces are begging me to go pick them up today. 

You're Welcome Bob Barker

Henry was neutered last week. I dropped him off at the vet Monday morning and didn't get him back until Tuesday morning. I can't believe how weird it was not having him for 24 hours. I missed him, probably more than I should have. I love that dog. 

The poor thing couldn't even control himself when I got to the bet to pick him up. He wanted to be as close to me as possible but I could tell he was sore when he moved. We got home and he check the house out, making sure we kept everything running around the house while he was gone. He broke my heart as he was trying to settle and sleep. He kept whining and trying to find a comfortable spot then got fed up and sat beside me and just howled. Once I was able to give him his dose of pain meds he settled and hasn't appeared to be in any more pain. He has done a lot better than I thought he would with wearing his cone. He just gets frustrated that he is always getting it stuck on things. He also misses sleeping beside my side of the bed, since he can't fit on my side with his cone. I'm happy he hasn't had any complications with his surgery since it was such a worry for be to let my baby go through that. 

I made sure he had some new balls to come home to. 

2 Years

2 years ago today I married the love of my life. It was a wonderful day.  

The weather was perfect, maybe a tiny bit hot for a very heavy wedding dress, but I couldn't have asked for a more beautiful, clear sky. Pretty much all of the days events ran smoothly, without any problems. In fact, the events were only about 8 minutes behind schedule throughout the day. Not bad, I was pretty proud of my planning skills. We got so many compliments about aspects of our day. People loved the food, the decorations, the flowers, dresses and suits, and all of the personal touches. I had a lot of people tell me that our ceremony and personalized vows were the best they've seen. We were able to turn non criers into blubbering babies. My mom still tears up when we talk about the special tribute I planned for her. After the father daughter and mother son dances, I had the DJ call my mom onto the dance floors. As she was standing there confused, In My Daughters Eyes started playing and I joined her on the dance floor for a mother daughter dance. She is one of my best friends, and was a huge, HUGE help as I planned my wedding day so she definitely needed something special on that day. About half way through the song, all of the other mothers and daughter were invited onto the dance floor to dance together as well. The dance floor filled up and the room was filled with love for all of our wonderful mothers. That was definitely one of the best moments of the day.

Another wonderful moment was just before I saw J for the first time. We did a "first look" before our ceremony and I loved it. J and our families were down in a beautiful area complete with fountains, trees, and flowers. My girls and I were just about to turn the corner that would allow J to see me in all of my wedding dress glory for the first time. I remember that I had to stop, right before I turned the corner to catch my breath (and of course, cry). I knew that I was just seconds away from starting a brand new life. It was such a powerful moment and I will always remember it. As soon as I did turn that last corner, J could not take his eyes off of me. His eyes were glued to me as if he was in awe. It was adorable.

I could go on and on about the amazingness of that day, like when I read the card he had written to me, standing in our empty, quiet reception room before any of the craziness of the day started, or my dads hilarious speech, my moms beautiful slideshow, the guests reactions to our bridal party entrance song, speeding away at the end of the night in J's big truck, or the amazing feeling of leaving for our honeymoon. But, I think I've come to learn that as amazing as that perfect day was, our life together and our marriage now is what is really important today. I can honestly say that I love him more today than I did exactly 2 years ago. We have an amazing marriage and I have the most wonderful husband. He loves me so much and he is so patient with me, even when it must be really hard to have patience. He makes me laugh every single day, even when I don't want to. He is the best source of comfort for me, especially as we go through this uncertain journey of trying to get pregnant. I love that I can totally and completely trust him with everything, that I can rely on him, and that I can be honest with him. Although he is not perfect (I mean seriously, who forgets about Valentine's Day?!) I would not change a single thing about him. I adore everything that makes him him. He is my best friend and one of the most amazing men that I know. Everyone that knows him should feel lucky that they have someone like him in their lives.

We have come a long way in the last 2 years. Our relationship is stronger, our love has grown, we have accomplished goals together, and took on trials together. Although I hope our next year of marriage will be a little easier in regards to trials and that we will finally have a new addition to our family, I am really proud of us for weathering all of the storms that seem to always head our way.

Random Wednesday

- We have our first clinic appointment on July 29th. I'm scared but happy that something is going to happen now. I don't feel stuck anymore. 

- We are about to get a crazy thunderstorm. It has been rumbling for the last 45 minutes and the clouds are only above us now. 

- we had a fabulous weekend away. Lots of swimming and boating. It was wonderful. 

- I missed the Henners so much while we were gone. He missed me too. He was anxious while I was gone and could not get enough of me when I got home. I love that guy. 

- all I want to do us eat unhealthy foods right now. 

- J is not home until about 10 tonight. I miss him. 

- I have cried a lot over the last 2 days. Thanks cd1. 

- We are going to my cousins wedding on Saturday and I have no idea what to do with my hair or what shoes to wear. Looks like I need to go shopping. 

This Again

It's cycle day 1 again. I feel horrible and I'm sad, again. 

We had a referral sent in to a clinic 3 weeks ago hoping that we could book an appointment so that once we hit a year we won't have to wait 2 more months to be seen. Well, the clinic never got the referral. So now I am waiting to hear back from them after my doctor resends the referral. I feel like everything that can go wrong will go wrong in our attempts to have a baby. I haven't even had any testing yet and I'm already dreading the results. This sucks.